It is commonly said that only two things in life are certain: death and taxes. Although LGBTQ couples are now able to legally marry throughout the United States, death can still present unique challenges, especially when it comes to parental rights, funeral plans, shared property and other issues. When planning life together with a spouse or spouse-to-be, you owe it to yourself and your family to prepare for death as well. Life is unpredictable. A sudden death is not the time to come up with a plan, and the last thing anyone wants is to intensify the heartache of loss with complications related to wills, burial plans, death benefits and other rights.

Working With a Legal Expert

While the various states and jurisdictions may fall under “one nation,” rules and regulations can often vary from one place to the next. It is important to work with a licensed attorney who is an expert in the law as it relates to same-sex marriage rights and protections. Referrals are a great place to start, but ultimately you need to work with a lawyer who has a demonstrated track record in this specific area of law in the jurisdiction in which you and your spouse will live. This attorney can help you prepare all the documents to make sure your wishes as a couple are fulfilled in the unfortunate event of death or illness. He or she can provide specific guidance concerning the following:

• Declaration of guardian: Should you or your spouse become unable to make decisions for yourself, this document names the person who will become a formal guardian, assuming responsibility for legal, medical and financial concerns.
• Final will: A formal document that details how possessions will be passed on and who they will go to.
• Power of attorney: This document designates who can make decisions for you or on a spouse’s behalf either medically (medical power of attorney) or financially (durable power of attorney).
• Appointment of agent to control disposition of remains: After death, this document outlines who can and cannot make decisions with respect to handling your remains and planning your funeral.

Consider also formalizing your funeral plans ahead of time, leaving no detail to interpretation or chance. It is essential that these documents be created and formalized ahead of death or debilitating injury. Leaving the love of your life to grieve and fight with your family members is especially cruel. Furthermore, the attorney you consult with can also direct you to resources regarding same-sex spousal death benefits and insurance coverage.

Talking to Your Family

LGBTQ couples often have the additional burden of family members who are hostile and dismissive of a spouse, especially in the matter of an untimely death. In addition to drafting formal legal documents, you and your partner should communicate your intentions with family. Even well-intentioned family members can find themselves in dispute with a spouse because death plans were not communicated in advance. Death might not be the most comfortable topic of discussion, but it’s a conversation worth having if it spares a surviving spouse unnecessary hassle.

Leaning Not Into Your Own Understanding

Unless you’re an attorney who specializes in this area, be extremely careful about trying to figure out death plans on your own. Laws are complex and constantly evolving based on new cases that establish new precedents. It’s worth having the peace of mind of working with someone who is educated and experienced with the complexities and nuances governing same-sex marriage rights and protections. Be extra cautious with information on the internet. It is easy to find websites presenting details that are outdated or untrue.

There’s no way to get around death, but you can take steps to make sure you and your family are protected. Don’t leave things up to chance. Talk to a reliable expert who understands the law in your particular locale and can help you and your spouse get up to speed preparing documents.