Accommodating other people's needs is an important thing to learn, especially if you are tasked with serving them in some way. Pastors and other church leaders must learn to recognize and even anticipate needs if they want to be effective in their positions. This skill helps to establish trust and communicate openness.

It is just as important, however, to learn to stand up for yourself. Every relationship, regardless of its nature, benefits from balance. A healthy leader understands how to set clear boundaries and stick to them.

Stronger, Healthier Relationships

Change is not easy for anyone it affects. When you start exercising your assertiveness, you may run into several different reactions, especially if you have always been eager to say yes in the past. Some people may be frustrated or annoyed that you are not as immediately available as you have been in the past. Others may express confusion, hurt or even anger. These reactions, while difficult to experience, don't necessarily mean you're doing something wrong.

Ultimately, people will respect you for setting clear boundaries. They will either start to notice the positive effects of your assertiveness on your general demeanor or recognize how the shift in priorities actually makes you more available when they truly need you. While others may never get over their negative feelings about the change, this simply reveals that those relationships were probably not meant to last anyway. 

Less Stress

At first, it may seem counterintuitive that standing up for yourself can alleviate stress. After all, doing so often involves a certain amount of pushback or conflict, both of which can trigger anxious feelings. Once you understand that meeting your own needs doesn't equal letting others down, you are likely to be less stressed about it. 

Setting clear boundaries lowers stress over time. When you decline opportunities that you aren't interested in, you set yourself free from the drudgery of slogging through them. Even better, you leave the opportunity open for someone else who is more enthusiastic about it. For every task that needs doing, there is someone who would love to serve in that capacity. Standing up for yourself causes less stress across the board.

Better Time Management

If you want to stand up for yourself, you are probably going to have to drop some things from your schedule. The easiest way to decide which tasks to let go of is to make three lists:

• What you have to do
• What you want to do
• What others expect you to do

The first list includes things that are your basic responsibilities at work and at home, and the second reveals your values and passions. The items on the third list should be where you start culling, especially if they aren't important enough to you to have made the first two. By doing this, you whittle your schedule down to the tasks that are vital, leaving you more breathing room. If you would like to be more socially spontaneous or become more available to walk-ins in the office, this is a good way to make that happen.

Confidence Boost

As you learn to stand up for yourself, you'll start noticing how much freer you feel. You’ll figure out when assertive behavior works to your advantage and when to choose softer behavioral options. Learning these nuances through practice not only gives you an edge in negotiating but also builds your confidence. The more you stand up for yourself when the situation calls for it, the better you are likely to feel about yourself in the long run.

Meeting other people's needs is important when you are in a position to serve, but you can only help others if you safeguard your own needs. Learning to stand up for yourself benefits everyone.