The loss of a child is something no one ever wants to think about. When this unspeakable tragedy happens to your friends, you may not know how to support them. While everyone grieves differently, here are a few ways you can show that you care.

Give Them Grace To Grieve

Whether they are aware of it or not, most people have preconceived ideas about how grieving looks. When a couple loses a child, however, all hypothetical concepts of grief fly out the window. It may look very different than what anyone expects, and it's not unusual for each person in the couple to grieve in completely opposite ways. 

No matter what form their grief takes, it's important to give them the grace to go through it without outside judgment. There's no one right way to mourn the loss of a child. As long as their behavior does not pose a safety threat to themselves or others, accept it as a natural part of the process, support whatever it takes to help them heal, and don't rush the process.

Supply Basic Needs

In the days after a death occurs, many people spring into action to help. Church friends will organize meals for the family so that they don't have to think about what to cook for themselves and everyone who will likely be visiting for the funeral. The staff of the funeral home and the pastor take responsibility for the service. Expressions of condolence in the form of phone calls, cards, flowers and other gifts start to arrive.

Grief doesn't shut off after the funeral is over, though. While everyone else is going back to their regular lives, the family is left alone with their struggle. This may be when acts of service that take care of their basic needs come in handy. Ask when you can drop dinner off or get them a gift card to their favorite restaurant. Offer to accompany them on errands if it seems like too big a chore to do alone, or ask which tasks you can do for them, removing them from their to-do list altogether. Continuing your support in this way not only shows them that you see them and you care but also satisfies a practical need.

Make Yourself Available To Listen

Many people shy away from those who are grieving. On some level, this is understandable. It's uncomfortable, and they don't want to say the wrong thing. Doing so can make the family in mourning feel isolated and unsupported, though.

Make sure your friends know that you are available to listen. You probably don't need to call them every day (unless they specifically request it), but you can send a text message to let them know you are thinking of them. It's also important to help them understand that it's OK if they don't feel like answering or talking. Schedule time to visit a museum or see a movie. Low-maintenance outings give them the opportunity to choose whether they need to chat or just take a break.

Remember Their Child

Some people are hesitant to bring up the name of the departed loved one in conversation. Grieving parents in particular need to know that others remember their child and how special he or she was, though. Hearing people talk about the child they lost may be difficult, but it is also a key part of the healing process. There are several ways you can do this:

• Share a funny or sweet memory.
• Give the parents a gift that reminds you of their child.
• Donate to a cause in memoriam. 
• Remember them at holidays and on birthdays.

When parents lose a child, there's nothing you can say or do to make the pain go away. However, there are small ways you can support them in their grief.