Guilt is a common human experience. Feelings of guilt are never fun, but they can be instructive. If you have hurt someone or need to make amends, a sincere apology coupled with efforts to right the wrong are in order. However, you may occasionally find yourself feeling guilty about something that isn't actually your fault or responsibility. When this happens, there are several steps you can take to acknowledge and process the feelings behind false guilt.

Acknowledgment

Valorie Burton distinguishes between the two main types of guilt that people experience. One type is the natural inclination to make things right when you have made a mistake or harmed someone. The other type, however, is false guilt that often stems from unreasonable expectations from yourself or others. These feelings can pop up in any area of your life:

• Career
• Education
• Family
• Social circle
• Church

The first step in dealing with false guilt is to learn how to recognize it. For example, if you forget a friend's birthday, you probably need to apologize and ask how you can make it up to him or her. However, if you feel bad about accepting help from anyone unless you can immediately return the favor, you may be holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. Distinguishing between the two types of guilt is crucial for handling them appropriately.

Analysis

If you find yourself in a loop of guilt over not living up to what you or the people around you feel like you should do, it's time to reassess those expectations. First, figure out where they come from. For instance, it's common for those who grew up with a stay-at-home parent who kept an immaculate home and cooked every meal to feel obligated to do the same, even if they have full-time jobs. They may experience a lot of stress over the lack of time they have to do so. Once they recognize that their situations are different, though, they may be able to let go of such strict expectations.

A good way to analyze your guilt is to ask yourself what the perceived shortcoming says about you. List the traits that you associate with it. By naming your insecurities, you may be able to address them more clearly later on in the process.

Assessment

The next step is to examine whether or not the expectation is reasonable. If you are feeling frequent guilt, it's likely that you have different standards for yourself than other people have for you. You may think they expect a lot more than they actually do. Alternatively, they may want something from you that they haven't communicated. A clear, frank discussion is the key to assessing whether your behavior is actually a problem or you need to adjust the standards you hold yourself to.

For example, you may feel bad about your habit of handing in reports on the day that they are due when you had a couple of weeks to prepare them. You apologize to your boss, who is confused about your concern. In his or her mind, your work is always right on time, giving the rest of the team plenty of time to use the information you've compiled to complete the process. By having a conversation about the discrepancy between your own standards and what your boss actually needs, you can release some of the false guilt that you feel.

It's not always easy to distinguish between feeling bad about actual wrongdoing and false guilt, particularly when you are in the midst of it. With practice, however, you can learn to tell the difference. Once you begin to identify feelings of false guilt in your life, you can address and overcome them.