In male-female romantic partnerships, there’s a common stereotype that women care more about wedding planning. As more men get involved with the finer details, that perspective has started to fade. It also shows a bit of gender bias. After all, there are plenty of women who don’t want to obsess over every bit of wedding day minutiae. And the same thing can happen with same-sex couples – one partner may care much more about designing the big day. This can cause frustration, anxieties, and possibly rifts in a relationship, but you can minimize or prevent these by following some wise advice.

Why Some Partners Don’t Help With Planning

When one partner isn’t engaged in wedding planning, it may look as if that person doesn’t care. But there’s often more going on under the surface. Fast Company’s Pavithra Mohan points out that some men still believe that the big day is all about the bride. They fear that they’ll make their fiancées unhappy or be seen as intruding if they involve themselves in the process. It doesn’t help that the wedding industry still primarily focuses on brides, and this can inadvertently shift more of the burden onto them.

Other possibilities can explain a partner’s lack of involvement. Some may not know what hosting a wedding entails, so they feel clueless and ignorant. Maybe one’s strengths don’t lie in visual design, so that individual won’t have much feedback on items like colors, linens, or flowers. There’s also the fear of being judged by one’s preferences and tastes, especially if each partner comes from a different cultural or socioeconomic background. Over-choice and analysis paralysis can also keep a partner from participating in planning — with too many options available, that person can feel overwhelmed and unable to offer meaningful input.

Tips for Dividing Planning Responsibilities

Planning a wedding takes work, and it’s unfair for one partner to bear the load alone. With that said, there are ways to encourage the other spouse-to-be to help share in the tasks. Writing for The Knot, Miles Stiverson suggests that couples should clearly divide planning responsibilities. Communication is the first step in accomplishing this goal. It isn’t enough to just say something such as, “I’d like you to find prospective caterers.” You two should be on the same page about what you want in a caterer — for instance, one that specializes in South Indian vegetarian cuisine that can feed 50 guests within your price range.

As you work out this division of labor, it’s helpful to consider each partner’s strengths. Perhaps one person may feel more comfortable communicating with vendors. Or the partner who’s a whiz at visual organization could handle the seating chart. Your fiancée may decide that she completely trusts your aesthetics, so you take care of choosing the invites. She’s more knowledgeable about beer, wine, and liquor, so she looks for a mobile bar and bartending services.

Valuing Your Partner’s Input

If both spouses-to-be get involved with the planning, each one’s opinions should be equally valued. That doesn’t mean they’ll get everything they want, but it should be clear that their ideas matter. Stiverson warns that reacting to your partner’s suggestions with disbelief or sarcasm isn't wise. You may completely discourage that person from staying engaged with the process. And if the two of you disagree on important details, discussion and compromise may be necessary. Use your priorities as a guide to finding a fair and equitable solution that you both like.

Wedding planning can be fun and exciting. But it’s not always easy. The process calls for organized approaches, attention to detail, and the willingness to make tough decisions. Clear communication and collaboration ensure that both spouses-to-be have equal input and involvement in the process. Achieving this leads to less stress and greater satisfaction before the big day.