There is a strong connection between emotions and music. The music played at a funeral sets the tone for the service. In the past, the funeral home or church might have a standard set of religious songs that could be played at a funeral. As more people are disaffiliating with religion, using that list of songs isn’t always an option. Using secular songs at funerals is becoming more common, but it may feel sacrilegious to some. Here are some tips for selecting music for a funeral.

Think About the Person You’re Memorializing

There’s no reason you have to use “traditional” funeral music. Start with the type of music the deceased liked. If you have access to their music library, that can help you find songs that had meaning to your loved one. Don’t put restrictions on the music. The songs that were significant to your loved one can be part of the grieving process. Make sure to reach out to others to find songs that you might overlook.

Decide What Tone You’d Like To Set

Funerals aren’t always somber and reflective. If you’re thinking of a celebration of life that’s more upbeat, you may want to play different music. Consider how the music will establish the feeling of the service. One idea could be to start with more solemn music to open the service, but to finish with some music that is more uplifting or even comical.

Check the Lyrics

Before you decide on the list, listen to the lyrics and review the actual words. You want the music to offer comfort to the grieving and to help the mourners reflect on the life of the deceased. While the music doesn’t have to be a traditional funeral song, it should still honor the individual.

Dealing With Unexpected Songs

Reddit once had a thread about unusual funeral songs, ranging from “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred to “Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead” from “The Wizard of Oz.” “My Way” by Frank Sinatra is another popular funeral song. Using a song that might be a little out there is OK, but you may want to provide context to the mourners. Playing music that might be considered eccentric could be better toward the end of the funeral or for the recessional. Give the mourners a light-hearted moment after a solemn service. There’s no right or wrong music for a funeral, but it should reflect on the deceased.

Licensing Might Matter

Funeral homes, churches and other venues may need to comply with copyright laws to provide music during the service. Many places have a standard license through one of the music agencies, but you should ask about it when you are planning. Sometimes, the funeral home cannot pipe the music in, but you may be allowed to use it in a slide show or video. If the funeral is streaming or being recorded to upload later, there may be other considerations.  

Music Affects Each Person Differently

As you’re planning the funeral of your loved one, keep in mind that not everyone will feel the same way after listening to the same song. “Taps” is played at most military funerals. Many people experience sadness when they hear the song, but others may associate the music with courage and service. It can be a source of comfort knowing that their loved one died with honor. Music can help people grieve, whether it’s traditional or not.

If you have too many songs for one funeral, make a playlist that can be shared with friends and family. You can include all of the deceased’s favorite songs, regardless of the tone. This playlist can be downloaded when you miss your loved one.